Put your best foot forward with these
etiquette tips for your wedding celebration.

Q. My fiancé and I are planning an intimate, destination wedding, and the guest list contains less than a hundred people.   However, there are several people we want to ask to be in the wedding party?   How many attendants are too many for a small wedding?

A. For less than one hundred guests, I would recommend a maximum of four attendants, perhaps two young children and two older ones or adult friends.  Otherwise the wedding party begins to outnumber the guests and can look rather pretentious!

Q. During our wedding ceremony, I would like for my fiancé's sister to present my future mother-in-law and father-in-law with a bouquet of roses to signify my respect for their love.   Is this tacky?   If I do it for my fiancé's family, should I also do it for mine as well?

A. You should be the one making the presentations, and it is appropriate to do this during the post ceremonial celebrations.  A bouquet of roses is a lovely idea, but how about something more lasting such as a porcelain box or piece of jewelry?  You must include both mother and mother in law, and need not give anything to father and father in law, but you must certainly do both sides.

Q. All the women in my bridal party have different body types.   I wanted to pick out different styles that would suit each and every one, but I was planning on choosing the same color.   Is this appropriate?   How can I make all my bridesmaids feel comfortable in their gowns?

A. I think this is an excellent idea and most certainly choose the same color and perhaps similar styles but different each time to adapt not only to shape but also age groups are appropriate.  I was at a wedding recently where the older attendants had strapless dresses with stoles (English weather!), and the younger ones had the same length, fabric and color, but with covered bodices and puffed sleeves and it looked lovely.

Q. We are getting married on the beach, so I've chosen a more casual dress for myself and for my bridesmaids.   However, we are having a sunset wedding.   How can I let my guests know that, even though it's an after six wedding, the dress code should be less formal?

A. By simply putting this on the invitation.  I suggest that you put appropriate wording to reflect the fact that it is a sunset wedding, and perhaps, you are having a barbeque or cocktails on the beach. You can put the dress code you desire on the cards or as an insert to the invitation to make your wishes absolutely clear.

Q. My fiancé and I are planning to elope.   We've chosen a great spot to exchange our nuptials, but we just aren't interested in a big, wedding production.   After the wedding, we are flying immediately to Mexico for a two-week honeymoon.   Is it appropriate to have a reception for family and friends before we get married?

A. I think it would be nicer to do it when you come back.  It gives you plenty of reason to celebrate, everyone will then know why they are coming to a party, and if you leave it for a few weeks after you return, you will have time to properly organize everything.

Q. I really want an open bar at my wedding reception, but my future in-laws do not drink or associate with people who drink.   Is there a compromise I can make so that I please my family and friends while not insulting my fiancé's parents?

A. This can be a tricky one.  However, it is your wedding and I think you have to be straight with your fiancé's parents and say that your friends and family will expect to be able to drink alcohol and whilst you respect their beliefs you do hope they will understand.  I imagine your fiancé doesn't share their views?  If so, he may be able to put it to them gently to help you, and if you ask the wedding venue to ensure it is discreet then they should not take offense.

Q. We are having a very small, church wedding with only family and close friends.   Our budget is very tight, and I'm least concerned about the invitations. Is it faux pas for me to send out free invitations via the Internet?

A. Yes!  I am afraid this is not the done thing.  Look up your local suppliers and find a good local printer who will produce a simple invitation, which you can design.  To be perfectly honest, if your budget is that tight, would you not be better to save on a guest or two?  If you are going to have a tiny wedding it can still be perfect, on a limited budget.  Have a party at home if you have room; do the flowers yourself, and get a friend to cater for you or make the cake.

Q. My sister is my matron-of-honor, and she isn't pulling her weight as far as responsibilities are concerned.   I was the maid-of-honor in her wedding and have always dreamed that she'd stand beside me at my wedding ceremony.   Is it unfair to push off some of her duties to the other, more dependable bridesmaids?

A. I think you should first of all have a gentle word with her in a non accusatory tone, and ask her if she could help you with x y and z because you are overwhelmed with everything/finding it hard/could do with some assistance etc.  If she does not take the hint or refuses to help, then do, of course, ask another friend to step in.  However, you will need to make sure that as you have asked her for the main role that she does carry this out on the day in the traditional manner you wish for.

Q. For our 10-year anniversary, my husband and I are renewing our vows.   He just got a promotion with his company, and after the wedding, we are moving out of the country.   We wanted to set-up a bridal registry at a local home-store to help us get a head start with decorating our new living space.   Is it suitable for couples having their second wedding to register for gifts?

A. No!   The current trend to renew your vows is purely a reaffirmation to each other, and you should have no expectation of gifts or that anyone would wish to come along and witness it.

Alexandra Messervy is a world-class etiquette expert who previously worked for Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth and helped plan the royal wedding of Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson. To learn more about etiquette or to book an exclusive travel experience in England, visit www.theenglishmanner.com.